pensées

Its that time of year… am turning a year older and i haven’t been looking forward to this time because of the lack of lovelife (hahhaa) and the lack of proximity to the ones I love back home…

But I guess you have to experience different kinds of birthdays that would give you reason to make your grandkids listen to you as they sit on your lap at the end of this life’s journey…

I have been celebrating this day since yesterday at 9 am because that was midnight Oct 19 in my hometown.  I have been receiving a lot of txt messages and emails from my certified friends and of course my family.  My best bud boyfriends Franz (from the Philippines) and Lawrence (currently in New Zealand) called me up to greet me. Lawrence even called me last Sunday so i guess my celebration is really loooonnnggg, huh?! =)

And tonight we are dining out in Laguna Beach (Italian resto called BJ’s to cover up the lack of my sister’s spaghetti) with my Mommy Terry, Mari (new found friend here), Che, Jenny, Nyg and Kurt… (Palawan group is almost complete… calling on Jing and Jillan….)

I think that God knew the fear in my heart for lack of greeting i would receive this day… i thought distance would make me forget that birthdays are to be celebrated… well, i was wrong, this was actually the longest birthday I have ever had in my life…

its three am and i can’t sleep. i just it has to do with the fact that something in my life has definitely ended and i am still adjusting to it… painful, yes, but nothing that i haven’t felt before… same old, same old…. just the feeling that something you want so bad is not meant to be…

but at least i know that now… one less painful area… knowing that you have to move on and let go… again…

may it be for the last time… please… please naman…

mahilig kang manakit

sa pusong kong walang imik

siguro masarap cyo

tuwing umiiyak ako

dahil ba nakikita mong mahal kita

at walang halaga kung may luha sa aking mga mata

sige lang gawin mo hanggang kaya ko pa

pero malapit nang dumating panahong asam ko na

wala nang maramdaman para cyo

nang tumigil nang sa sakit sa puso ko

sana

minsan maalala mo kung gaano kita minahal

umasang ikaw na ang bigay ng Maykapal

siguro hindi lang ganun katindi ang pagmamahal mo para sakin

para matakot kang ikaw ay aking lisanin

ilang beses na kong magpaalam, naghangad na makalayo

mahirap lamang patayin ang totoong pagsuyo

pero pagod nang lumabang mag-isa ang aking puso

pagod nang masaktan ng puso mong mapaglaro….